Weasley Twins, Matchmakers Incorporated
by Fuyumi
Summary: Fred and George decide that hooking up Ron with Hermione would be the perfect advertisement for their matchmaking business. However, their plans to hook up the two don't go as well as they had hoped.
1. Weasley Twins, Matchmakers Incorporated

**Weasley Twins, Matchmakers Incorporated**   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book.   


Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

That had been the general consensus when Fred and George had placed that sign up in the Gryffindor seventh-year boy's room. Lee Jordan had fervently agreed with that sentiment—Fred and George were great friends who had the best sense of humor ever to grace Hogwarts but Lee did NOT want them messing around in his love life. 

That's why he felt an odd sense of relief when he walked into his dorm room to find the twins taking that blasted sign down. He was very glad indeed. He should have been quiet and just let sleeping dogs lie instead of indulging in his curiosity in what exactly had happened. However, as anyone who has ever attended a Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match could attest to, Lee sometimes had problems with thinking before opening his mouth. 

So he found himself saying before he could stop himself, "Why are you two taking the sign down? Are you going out of business?" 

The twins turned to look at him with a pair of aggrieved faces. 

"I hate to say it," started Fred. 

"But we're just not cut out for this type of business," George finished for him. 

"It's best that we get out while we're still ahead." 

"Before we make total fools of ourselves." 

"As compared to making fools out of those around us, as is usually the case." 

"So we give up. Weasley twins cannot a match make." 

"Wait, wait, wait." Lee held up his hands. "You lost me. Someone actually paid the two of you to get them together with the girl of their dreams? What did you feed them and where can I get my hands on some?" 

"Actually no one did hire us." 

"No one would trust us." Lee did not trust the crocodile tears forming in the twins' eyes. 

"Said that the idea of us matchmaking was too horrible to contemplate." 

"So we decided to take on a charity case." 

"As an example really. Sort of like, if we can get this couple hooked together, we can get any pair together." 

"Your logic really, really scares me, but go on. Who was the lucky victim?" 

"None other than our own brother, Ron, of course." 

"He's been completely over the moon about Hermione for ages now." 

"And he didn't do a thing about it—or rather, he didn't do anything successful about it." 

"Not unless you count all the times he made Hermione so mad that she was giving off steam. At least he had her full attention then." 

"So it was the perfect charity case. All of Hogwarts knows by now how inept ickle Ronniekins is with girls." 

"Except we just made things worse. So we decided to cut our losses and run." 

"Before we actually had to run from Ron." 

Lee and the twins had been close friends for all their seven years at Hogwarts. Throughout that time, Lee had watched and encouraged his best friends as they wreaked havoc on their brother Percy. Now that Percy was long gone from the halls of Hogwarts, they found themselves concentrating on their younger brother with the same support from their friend. So it was out of force of habit that Lee was actually urging them with to continue with this particular matchmaking enterprise. 

After all, a Ron besieged by pranks was a most funny thing. 

"It can't be that bad," Lee said. "He probably just needs some encouragement. All you have to do is write a really soppy love letter or something like that." 

The twins looked at each other and sighed before facing Lee again. 

"Been there." 

"Done that." 

**** 

Care of Magical Creatures was the perfect place to start with Operation Get-Ron-His-Honey-Hermione. It was outdoors and the two vict—I mean, subjects would be working close together. Best of all, it was extraordinarily easy for Fred and George to arrange to be near them during the actual class. As they had a free period anyway, all they had done was gone up to Hagrid and asked to spend more quality time with blast-ended skrewts before they had to leave Hogwarts forever. Hagrid had just smiled and gleefully accepted that excuse, as only Hagrid could. 

It had been too easy. That should have been their second hint that their plans would not work out as expected. 

But hope springs eternal in the spring and so it was George was keeping a lookout for any possible interlopers while Fred was floating a forged love letter over to Ron. They had attempted to mimic Hermione's handwriting but had failed miserably. Her handwriting was simply too neat for them to copy and they had wound up with a letter whose handwriting was indeterminable. That didn't stop them from carrying out their plan. 

After all, with a little luck, Ron would get some courage from the letter and do something really drastic. Like start snogging Hermione in the middle of class. Gred and Forge had "borrowed" Colin Creevey's camera just in case. 

Unfortunately for the would-be matchmakers, they had missed the first hint by a mile. During this spring, the weather had been rather gusty. In other words, it was not the ideal conditions to float a letter to someone outside. 

It was, however, a perfect opportunity for Murphy's Law to visit two of its favorite proponents. As Fred was carefully floating the letter along, a strong gust of wind came and blew the letter in Harry's direction. 

"Oh no!" Fred exclaimed and dropped his wand. 

"What? What happened?" 

"The letter!" 

"Don't tell me you somehow managed to land it in the lake!" 

"It's going towards Harry!" 

"How did that ever happen?" 

"The wind, you fool." 

"Well then do something about it." 

"All right then." Fred closed his eyes and clenched both of his hands. "Don't go to Harry. Anyone but Harry. Don't go to Harry. Anyone but Harry." 

"Idiot!" George smacked his brother on the shoulder to stop his chanting. "Are you a wizard or what? Use magic!" He pulled out his wand from his sleeve, intent on succeeding where his twin had failed. 

Murphy's Law was not done yet with playing with its favorite pair of twins. Just as George had waved his wand to cast a spell over the letter, another gust of wind came and George's spell missed its mark. 

The letter landed right at Hermione's feet. Curious about what it could possibly be about, she picked it up and opened it. It read: 

_To My Very Dear Friend—_

_I've been thinking about you for quite some time and I can't seem to get you out of my mind. If you feel the same way I do, could you somehow give me a little hint or clue?_

It was unsigned. She didn't know who it came from or who it was intended for. She looked in the direction that it had came from to see if that would give her a hint about the identity of the writer. The letter had come from the direction of— 

Harry. Who was her very best friend. And the letter was to the writer's best friend. 

Hermione looked down at her shoes and _blushed_. 

**** 

"Ok," Lee said, "So she thought the letter came from Harry. That doesn't mean that you couldn't save the operation." 

"Yes, that's what we thought too." 

"It would be a tad much to call it an unmitigated disaster—" 

"Although it did come close if you ask me—" 

"And I didn't. So we thought we'd change our strategy and attempt to clue Ron in during a class that Hermione didn't attend." 

"Of course, that meant no embarrassing snogging photos but we thought we could make up for that later." 

"The only problem was that the only class that they didn't have Hermione in was Divination." 

"And they were doing crystal ball gazing again and we thought what a chance!" 

"We'd rig Ron's crystal ball. Only we switched the wrong one." 

"Let me guess. You gave it Harry instead." 

"Bingo! You have heard the gossip that's been going around school, haven't you?" 

"Actually, no I haven't. I had better things to do than worry about other people's love lives." 

"Like worrying about your own?" 

"We can help!" 

"Do not even go there! Just tell me what happened." 

**** 

"Look on the bright side," Ron said quietly to his best friend. "If we're supposed to be gazing for hints from beyond about our love life, then there's no way she work a death prediction into that." 

"I don't think so," Harry replied. Then with an amazingly accurate impression of the Divination professor's voice, he intoned, "You shall find your one true love and die for it." 

"I take it back. I guess she can." 

Harry returned his attention to the piece of glass sitting in front of him. He sighed, wishing that they would leave the realm of crystal ball gazing far, far behind. There were only so many jokes that you could crack about cloudy weather being in the future before they all became old. 

Those sorts of jokes had lost their appeal quite some time ago. 

As usual, staring at the crystal ball produced no results. Harry was not surprised one bit. He was beginning to think that Hermione was right and Divination was just one big lie. True, Trelawney had made one true prediction two years ago but what were the chances of that happening again? 

In case you were wondering, the odds of that happening were placed at 72-1 amongst the staff. 

Harry looked up from his task to take a quick glance around the room. It seemed that no one was having much luck with their results. He sighed again. This meant that the old bat would soon feel the need to take matters into her own hands and she'd once again see something about his doom. 

However, he got the shock of his life when he looked back down again. It was actually getting a little less cloudy. There was a face forming. It was—Hermione! 

Harry fell out of his seat, causing Ron to run over. "What happened?" Ron asked. Speechless, Harry merely pointed a shaking hand towards the crystal ball. 

Ron turned around to look at what could have been so surprising. "It's Hermione!" he shouted, gaining the attention of the entire class. "It's just her face but it's obviously Hermione. Wait, the scene's changing. It looks like she's working on something—that's typical. She's writing something down. It looks like she's writing—I :heart: you?" 

Harry groaned at Ron's words. Why did he have to say that sort of thing in front of the whole class? Harry only hoped that Ron had somehow been mistaken. He got to his feet to see if Ron was right. The Hermione in his crystal ball was indeed writing "I :heart: you" over and over again. 

Harry looked down at his shoes and _blushed_. 

**** 

"All right, so your second plan didn't go as well as you thought it should." 

"That's the understatement of the year." 

Lee glared at the twins. "I wasn't finished speaking. I was going to say that perhaps you should just forget subtlety and go for the obvious." 

"Just as a matter of intellectual curiosity, what would that be?" 

"Push the two lovebirds together." 

"By setting off an explosion of dungbombs near them or something?" 

"Exactly!" 

"We thought of that already." 

"Simple is best and all that." 

"We should have known better." 

"Why would that go right for us when nothing else had?" 

**** 

Fred and George waited eagerly for the smoke from their latest plot to clear. This time it would work. Hermione would be frightened by the explosion and fall into Ron's arms. If Ron didn't know what to do then, they would have to take him aside to explain some very basic facts of life. 

That had an appeal of its own. Either way, Fred and George would win. 

However, when the smoke cleared, Hermione was in the arms of the wrong boy. 

She was kissing Harry. It wasn't a gentle, sweet first kiss. It was a madly passionate, full-blown snog. Her hands were roaming up Harry's back until she finally buried them in his unkempt hair. He was crushing her to him as their tongues dueled for control. 

"Where did he ever learn how to kiss like that? They never taught that in our sex-ed class." 

"Forget that. We have bigger problems on our hands." 

"Like what?" 

"Ron." 

Ron had been staring in shock at his two friends making out in the hallway after the explosion. It hadn't taken him too long to figure out who had illicitly smuggled the dungbombs for the blast, not with them standing in front of him, gawking at the awful sight. 

"Um . . . run?" 

"Sounds good to me." 

**** 

The twins glared at their friend, who was laughing hysterically at their tale. 

"You did wind up running from Ron! So much for quitting before that!" 

"Oh shut up!" 

"We don't want to hear it." 

"We've learnt our lesson. We're not matchmaking anymore." 

"Why stop now?" Lee asked. "Not when you have another younger sibling who you've not tried to help out." 

The twins paused to think about that proposition. 

"No." 

"Absolutely not." 

"With our luck," they chorused, "We'd set her up with Malfoy!"   


**The End**   
  
  


**Author's note:** If you've already spent this much time reading the fic, I would very much appreciate it if you could take an extra minute or two to leave a review and let me know what you think. Also, thanks goes out to **Nappa**, who convinced me to post this fic here, although I wouldn't encourage you to press your luck. 


	2. Ron Weasley, Matchmaker Extraordinaire

**Ron Weasley, Matchmaker Extraordinaire**   
**Disclaimer**: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. 

Hermione could feel his stare upon her and it was beginning to irritate her. She knew that if left to his own devices, he would not stop. "Harry! You're supposed to be studying, not staring at me," she snapped at him. She saw his mouth about to open and she just knew what he was about to say. "And don't even think of saying that you were studying me. You're supposed to be studying Charms and nothing else." 

Harry sighed. Hermione had loosened up considerably since their first year but she still studied more than he thought necessary. He would much rather stare at her than at the book in front of him. "But you're more interesting than any book I can think of," he told her truthfully. 

She blushed. She didn't know how he could do it but he had a way of making her forget what she was saying and blush instead. "I think you're better than any book too," she admitted shyly. 

Harry grinned and scooted closer to her. He lifted her chin up with his index finger. Just as he was about to kiss her, however, their best friend Ron came running through the Common Room as if being chased by a bevy of Blast-Ended Skrewts. 

Somehow it didn't seem appropriate to snog when Ron looked to be in a lot of trouble. 

"What's wrong, Ron?" Harry asked. 

"Or perhaps he should have asked, what did you do this time?" 

The voices of his best friends stopped Ron in his tracks. "I'll have you know that I've not been about breaking school rules, Hermione. And as for what's wrong, Harry, my family's going to kill me when they've found out what I've done so if it's all the same to you, I'd like to make good my escape before then." 

"Let me see if I have this right. You haven't done anything to get points taken off or a detention, and yet your family is going to be displeased with what you've done?" 

"I said kill, Hermione, and that's only if I'm lucky." 

"You're not making any sense." 

"And I have to say that I agree with her." 

"That's because you're—" 

"If you dare say it Ron, I will hex you." 

"And after she's done with you, I'll throw you to your family." 

"Nice to know that six years of friendship really means something to you two." 

"Oh honestly!" Hermione rolled her eyes. "If you would just sit down and tell us what's the matter, perhaps we can help you out." 

"And we couldn't make it any worse." 

"Oh that's what you think." Ron took a seat across from Harry and Hermione. "All right then. Let's see. Do you two remember last year when you first got together?" 

That was a stupid question. Ron knew that as soon as he asked it. Both of his friends blushed and then looked shyly at each other. Before they could start anything, he hurriedly said, "Never mind. It's clear that you do. Okay, but anyway, what had happened was that Fred and George was trying to set me up with you, Hermione." 

Harry spoke up quickly before Hermione could start ranting about the rudeness of anyone trying to set her up. "They failed quite spectacularly." 

"Yeah, I know. In fact, I had thought that they were trying to set you up with Hermione and . . . ." Hermione's steely glare settled on Ron and he immediately switched topics. "But that's not what's important right now. So they came clean this summer that they had been trying to matchmake and that's when I knew. What I had to do to finally set myself apart from the rest of the Weasleys. I would be Ron Weasley, matchmaker extraordinaire." 

"I never thought that most young wizards dreamt of becoming a matchmaker when they grew older." 

"And I could make a lame reference to Fiddler on the Roof, but I shan't." 

"Thank you, Hermione." 

"What's that?" 

"It's a Muggle thing," Harry and Hermione chorused. 

"I should have guessed that. But getting back to what I was saying, when I got back to school I had immediately started to make plans on matching Ginny with Neville." 

"Ginny! With Neville? What were you thinking! Oh, poor Ginny, she must be so distraught—" 

"Oh don't worry about Ginny. Worry about me. The last time I saw her, she was happily snogging Malfoy in the library." 

"Malfoy? I'd say that your plans went awry." 

"Now that's the understatement of the year, Harry." 

**** 

One advantage Ron fancied that he had over his brothers was that he was a master of strategy. Just ask any opponent who had the misfortune to face Ron over a chessboard and they would confirm that fact. He had decided it would be best if he started simple when it came to matching Neville with his sister. After all, simple plans had less chance of being waylaid. 

That was the theory at least. 

Ron normally sat by Harry and Hermione but not today. Saying that he wanted to give them some time alone together, he had arranged to sit next to his sister. Ron planned to vacate the seat in favor of Neville as soon as he arrived, thus giving Neville a prime opportunity to ask Ginny out – and what wizard wouldn't? 

Knowing that he wasn't going to be at breakfast for the full time, Ron quickly devoured the food on his plate. Ginny raised an eyebrow at her brother's questionable table manners. As there was nothing she could say to him that their mother hadn't already, she ignored him to read her Transfiguration text. She had a test coming up in it and she wanted to be sure she knew everything that would be on it. 

Meanwhile, Ron sat on the edge of his seat. Every so often, he would crane his neck about to look for Neville. After waiting longer than he had expected – and being disgruntled because he would have eaten more if he knew he would be at the table for so long – he finally saw Neville enter. 

"Over here!" Ron waved at Neville. "I'm about to leave anyway so you can have my seat." 

Then, much to his horror, Draco Malfoy stepped in front of Neville and slid into Ron's seat. "Thanks Weasley," he said casually. 

"I wasn't giving that seat to you!" Ron exploded. "Go back and sit at your own table, you smarmy git!" 

'Why? When I have a perfectly good seat here?" 

"You're not supposed to sit here. That's against the rules!" 

"Actually, it's not. And since when have you started following them?" 

"He has a point there, Ron." 

"Whose side are you on, Ginny?" 

"The side that gets me peace and quiet so I can study at breakfast." 

"What are you studying?" Malfoy looked over Ginny's shoulder. "Transfiguration? Need any help?" 

"If I needed any, I'd ask the brightest student in your year – Hermione." Ron wanted to cheer his little sister for that retort. He couldn't have said it better himself. 

"But she's too brilliant at Transfiguration. Whereas I'm almost as good but I've the advantage of being able to tutor in plain English." Malfoy flashed a bright smile at Ginny but Ron knew his sister wouldn't fall for such an obvious plot. 

"I think you might be right." Ron's jaw dropped as Malfoy began to help Ginny with her studying. 

"Umm . . . Ron?" 

Ron turned to see Neville looking at him. "What is it, Neville?" 

"Are you going to eat breakfast or just stand there all day?" 

**** 

"My question is why didn't you drag Ginny away then and there from that prat." 

"Harry! How can you say such a thing?" 

"Easy, Hermione. Do you want Ginny's heart to be broken? And by Malfoy of all people?" 

"Good point. So why didn't you drag Ginny away from Malfoy then and there, Ron?" 

"You two don't know my sister very well. If I had tried to make her do something she didn't want to, she would have only resisted. I mean, she might have started snogging Malfoy in public!" 

"Excuses, excuses. Though I don't think it's a lost cause quite yet." 

"Or it wouldn't have been, if dear Ron here hadn't done anything else. Remember Ron saying that he had seen them snogging in the library?" 

"Mind telling us how that came about?" 

"Actually I do. But something tells me you two would just drag it out of me anyway, so might as well shorten the agony." 

**** 

Another advantage that Ron planned to use was the fact that he knew what his brothers' strategy had been for setting him up with Hermione. Of their tactics, he only thought one would be useful. 

Ginny would definitely fall for the love letter trick. 

Unlike his brothers, Ron didn't plan on enchanting it to arrive. If his brothers had asked him, he would have pointed out the folly in trying to send a letter where any slight breeze could drive it off course. Instead, Ron would put the note in the hands of Neville and have him deliver it to Ginny himself. Ron also improved on his brothers' plan by copying some verses written by a famous, Muggle poet. Fred and George's attempts at writing poetry were pathetic. 

"Neville!" Ron called as their Potions class was ending and after Harry had left with Hermione. "Could you give this to Ginny for me?" He held the note in front of Neville. 

"Why?" 

"Because I'm . . . I need to . . . " Ron had not expected Neville to ask why he needed to note deliver and so fumbled about for an excuse to give. 

"I'll give it to her." Malfoy snapped the letter out of Ron's hands. "Especially as I'm going over to the library to help her study anyway." 

"Give that back you evil, slimy, conniving little—" 

"That will be ten points from Gryffindor, Mr Weasley, and a detention as well I think. Please stay after class to arrange it." 

Ron could only watch in horror as Malfoy sauntered off with the note. 

**** 

"That still doesn't explain the snogging." 

"I was getting there." 

"And when is your detention?" 

"It doesn't matter. I'll be dead by then." 

**** 

Cursing all the sneaky Slytherins who were blatantly conspiring against him, Ron raced towards the library with several dungbombs hidden under his school robes. Fred and George had tried to use them to get Hermione to kiss him. That plan had failed but Ron was sure that they would make a great distraction, during which he could free his sister from the evil grasp of Malfoy. 

He arrived several seconds too late, however. After entering the library, he had slowed down to a brisk walk to avoid the wrath of Madam Pince. By the time he got to Ginny's favorite studying spot, Malfoy had already made his move. He was rather passionately kissing Ginny, who seemed to be having the time of her life. 

Too horrified to do a thing, Ron could not bear to watch as _Ginny_, his innocent little sister, began slipping Malfoy a bit of tongue. 

He fled. 

**** 

"And while running back here, I realized that my family will have my head for setting up Ginny with Malfoy." 

"Well, you didn't actually set them up. More like bumbled into it." 

"That's so comforting, Hermione," Ron said sarcastically. 

"Whatever possessed you to match Ginny with Neville of all people. I could have told you that would have never worked." 

"They went to the Yule Ball together. That's a sign of true love." 

"You went with Padma and haven't had a date since." 

"That's different. And being dateless isn't my current problem. My problem is what Mum and Dad and everyone else is going to do to me when they find out." 

"I do think you're exaggerating a bit. I'm sure they'll get used to the idea of Ginny dating Malfoy eventually." 

"You think that, Harry. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to my room to consume my stash of chocolate frogs before they come for me." Ron marched off towards the boys' dorm with a sense of impending doom. 

Harry shook his head at his friend's misery. "I wish there was something we could do for him." 

"I think there is." 

"Oh don't tell me you're thinking of—" 

"—setting up Ron ourselves. With us working together, there's no way we can fail." 

"And I'm sure that's what Fred and George said when they started, and look what happened." 

"Think positively, Harry. Besides I already know the perfect girl for Ron." 

"Who?" 

"Susan Bones." 

Harry sighed. "I really don't think this is a good idea." 

"Look on the bright side. At least, you'll get to spend more time with me." 

Harry grinned as that. Anything that led to him spending more time with Hermione couldn't be all bad.   
  


**Author's note:** Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Tis very much appreciated. And if you've read this far -- I would ever so much like to hear what you thought of the fic. Thanks.   


And Stoneheart -- I think I can safely promise you that I shan't ever write an R/Hr fic. 


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